The one and only Tawny Brie! Blog

Good loving..... Fri Nov 14 2008

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

He said, 'I found the remote.'

Someone sent me this and I loved it lol.... Fri Nov 14 2008

Alligator trust.... Tue Nov 11 2008

Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. When he opens his mouth I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll give it a try... Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle."

Sneezing attack..... Fri Nov 7 2008

My good friend sent me this:

Sneezing Attack

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then
visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her
nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious
about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more
than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, 'I
couldn't help but notice' he said, 'that you've sneezed three times,
wiped your nose and then shuddered violently.
Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you ,' she replied. 'I have a very rare
medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.
I have never heard of that condition before' he said.
'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded, 'Black Pepper.'

This will make you a country music fan!! Wed Oct 8 2008

http://dutchwatch.multiply.com/video/item/138

Lesson to all you men out there!!! Mon Sep 22 2008

I had a minor medical problem so my doctor referred me to a female urologist. I 
saw her yesterday. She is absolutely gorgeous and unbelievably sexy.  

The first thing she told me is that I have to stop masturbating.  When I asked 
her why she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you.......

My story by TER\'s IDEFIBU continues..... Wed Sep 17 2008

She was only able to manage a quick small scream before his hand clamped roughly over her mouth. His full body weight came down hard on her stomach and drove the breath from her body. She was filled with fear as his free hand clamped tightly around her right wrist and wrenched it high above her head. Her left hand reached out and she tried desperately to hit him hard in the face, but he deflected it with his shoulder and she only punched clear air. Her mind raced as she fought to throw his body from hers, scratch him she thought, maybe he will let go long enough for her to run. She moved her hand to claw at his face, he let go of her mouth and she opened her mouth to scream as his hand came crashing across her cheek and slapped her hard across the face. She was stunned and as she regained her composure to try and scratch him she felt it, cold and thin on her neck, his arm lay across her chest pushing her down and his face was now close to hers. She looked at his face and saw only a black mask with eyes and a mouth, those eyes, there was something about those eyes she thought. He leaned in close and she felt his full body on hers and struggled to breath. “Don’t fucking move, don’t scream and don’t kick” he whispered softly, pushing down hard with his forearm. She felt the thin cold line on her neck and her brain told her if she fought any more, he would kill her, it must be a knife on her neck, thin, cold, sharp. Her mind flashed to a million and one different things, how could she escape? What was he going to do to her? Why was this happening? Does he have a nice cock? She drove the last thought from her mind, why did she flash on that she wondered, maybe it was his eyes.

She felt the sting on her cheek from where he had slapped her. She blinked her eyes hoping that perhaps the image would clear and she would awake from the nightmare that was taking place. He moved his hand from her mouth and at first she thought perhaps a scream would help, but she fought the urge and kept mute. She felt his hands working quickly and in a flash she felt her hands and wrists bound together above her head. He grabbed her roughly and looped the rope over the canopy of her bed. Pulling quickly the rope forced her arms upward and she found herself being hoisted upwards like a side of beef. As her hands and arms lifted her body up, she soon found herself resting on her knees on the bed, her hands high above her head. She had worn only panties and a bra to bed and wished that she had worn more. The modesty in her wished she was more covered and she fought to bring her legs closer together to deny him the sight of her pussy. She moved her head to clear the hair from her face and give her a better view of what was happening but before she could focus, he quickly wrapped her eyes with a cloth. Blinded and filled with fear, the thought of not being able to see now made her shiver. She felt his hands as they began to wander over her flesh, it almost made her sick as she began to imagine what he would do. The skin on his hands was smooth and soft she thought, her body confusing her mind. The touch of his hands on her sides and belly was almost gentle, but as he reached her thighs and moved downward, they roughly spread apart her knees and she felt him lick her neck. “Spread your fucking legs like a good cunt” he whispered, moving his hands over her crotch. She wanted to close her legs and made an effort to move but his hands forced them open again. She felt the cold steel slip under the waistband of her panties and in an instant the fell away, next it slid under the front of her bra and it too fell open. She was shaking now, knowing that he had cut her clothes away, would he cut her as well? Her breath came in small quick pants as she imagined him slicing her instead of her clothes.

She could feel his breath on her neck as he said softly, “Don’t move, don’t scream, and keep your legs open for me”. She felt him move off the bed and she heard him moving things in the room. What was he doing? She could hear some small clicks and then a small chime that was very familiar. Where had she heard it before? The thought came to her as she felt him move back onto the bed, it was a video recorder as it began to record! Was he taping this? Why? Maybe she should scream, at least maybe someone would come and save her before the unthinkable happened. Just then her mouth was forced open and a small red ball gag ended any thoughts of screaming. He buckled it tightly in place and gave her nipple a pinch as he finished. What next she thought, what is going to happen. She shifted her weight to take a bit of tension off her shoulders and noticed that she was wet, she hoped he hadn’t noticed, but knew he did, the smell of her cunt filled the air. And she knew it would be like blood to a shark, she took a breath and then she felt it.

Priest and the Rabbi..... Mon Sep 15 2008

A priest and a rabbi were reading one day at the library. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'

The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'

The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'

To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked thepriest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'

The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'

The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'

The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 Update Wed Sep 10 2008

This was sent to me by a Filipino friend. You may have seen part or all if it.

Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 Update

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the fu** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A FILIPINO CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One is reserved for the wedding of your son.
The other one you give as bribe to your politician.
You are looking for money to buy rice and milk.

Together for 50 years... Awwwww!!! Mon Sep 8 2008

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Hehehe Sat Sep 6 2008

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved. But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left.

'Ernie, do you have a story to share?

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. "She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?

'Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking